When I was a little kid, I couldn't wait to be grown up. 10 years old! Double digits baby! Then a couple years later, PG-13 didn't seem like such a big deal anymore when the prospect of a gratuitous nude shot was right around the corner for a 17 year old at rated R movies. (No more asking sketchy guy to buy tickets for us.) I was a full-fledged man at 18 according to the law, but not really since I couldn't buy drinks at the club. At 21, I gave the home-made, kinko's printed fake ID to my brother.
When symptoms of a quarter-life crisis started setting in at age 25, I was beginning to experience difficulty functioning at the kindergarten when I was teaching ABC's to twenty 3-5 year olds in Taipei after partying until an hour before work. Did I really need to go Berkeley for party and teach kindergarten? The next thing I know, I'm celebrating the Big 3-0, or the new 20 as I like to call it, in Honolulu with a small group of close friends.
There was a comedian once talking about how when you hit 30, your measurements go from 38-30-36 to 40-40-40 and you go from a fit young man to a human cynlinder. I haven't gotten there yet, nor do I plan to, but I just don't wanna get to the point where I bend over to get something and the waistband on the boxers doesn't flip back up. God-forbid I let myself go so much I'm stricken by the dreaded dick-do syndrome, when your stomach sticks out more than your...and can I get extra gravy on the hamburger steak and macaroni salad?...No, I'll have a diet Coke please, trying to watch my figure.
But why is it, time seems to fly by more and more quickly each year? Is it because we're grinding it out at the 9-5, day in and day out until everything just swirls into a gray blur and one day you find yourself looking at retirement benefits, if you're one of the lucky ones who's saved enough to retire? I never played football but I'll be the first to admit that I have my Al Bundy moments when I talk about my "four touchdowns I scored back at Polk High".
I used to think that if I gathered up enough "wouldas" and "couldas" that a break would magically appear and that one single opening would lead to a building momentum of fortunate events, catapulting me to the mountaintops where I shout out to the world at the top of my lungs, "I've made it! I've made it!" Of course, deep down inside, I knew it wasn't going to happen that way and if it did, I didn't know how I was going to get there. It was terrifying to think that I couldn't live the kind of Life I wanted to live. Settling was much less painful and besides, there were too many things going against my favor anyway. I would be planning Plan B after not even trying Plan A...playing to try and not lose instead of playing to win.
Instead of buckling down and putting in the work to go after my dreams, I would go out and party all the time. It was more comfortable to stick with what I knew, making friends and partying, than to put myself out there on the process of learning. The very thought of giving something my all, burning all safety nets with the possibility of not succeeding froze me in a panic. For me it felt like wiping out on a big wave tumbling over and over not knowing which way was up. My body was pulled in five different directions all the while trying to swim to the surface. "I'm not gonna make it!" My mouth shut so tightly trying to keep the air in, my lungs became tight started to burn! "Hang on, Hang on, HANG ON! ALMOST THERE!" I never think I can hold it for just a little longer until I hold it for just a little longer. When the tumbling subsides, my hand feels air and relief washes over me. My head breaks the surface. Drawing that first deep breath of salt air always feels so good.
Wonderful things happen when I feel relaxed, like realizing that it feels much better to feel relaxed than to feel stressed out and tense. When my mental energy is not wasted stressing out about why things might not happen, there's a lot more mental energy to invest and be excited thinking about how and why things could and will happen.
We can't control everything. But I think a lot of us forget about how much control we have over the things we CAN control. Everyone makes decisions every moment of the day, everyday. Can we first be aware that we have choices and that we're fully empowered to make them. Even when it comes down to thinking about something as being possible rather than hopeless, we can choose that. My biggest wish for myself and everyone in 2009 is to be aware that we have great power in influencing what happens and that no matter what, we always have the choice to think about what's possible instead of what's not.
If we can do that, instead of only saying, "I can't believe it's almost 2010" this time next year, we'll be saying "2009 was an amazingly life-changing year that I'll never forget!"
- Mike Yang
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